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Forgiveness in a Relationship

One of the most important issues that we all face in life is forgiveness. There is a lot of confusion about what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not ignoring injustice or harm deliberately done to you, saying that things are OK now, and going right back into an abusive situation.

Forgiveness is not dishonestly saying, "s/he did not do anything wrong." Forgiveness is not denial about what happened and it does not mean to accept the person's behavior.

To forgive does not automatically come with the "and forget" suffix. If you just forget about all wrongs deliberately done to you, you aren't kind-hearted-you are an idiot, and a masochist. Accidental wrongs can be and should be forgotten about; but those that are done out of malice or neglect of you cannot be, or else you will just continue being harmed-and that is not acceptable.

When you forgive someone, it really means that you refuse to hold on to active anger against them. You don't seek vengeance or curse them. You walk away from it all.

Why is important to forgive

  1. When you forgive, you do it for yourself. Forgiveness is about keeping yourself from being eaten up inside, embittered by grief, or twisted by rage. Even the Bible actually says of forgiveness that it is a way of "heaping hot coals on" the heads of your enemies!.
  2. You see, many people who act maliciously toward you actually hope that you continue carrying around the anger or hurt that they caused in you. When you refuse to give them that satisfaction, you can be the one who makes themstew-as it should be.
  3. Other times, you forgive someone because you understand that they hurt you out of ignorance, not intention. In these circumstances, you can also "forget" the wrong. This is when forgiveness saves you from destroying a relationship that you really don't want to lose.

4 steps to forgiveness

  1. Let your cooler head prevail. Ask yourself why the person who wronged you may have acted the way that they did. Don't just blindly lash out against them even in your private mind.
  2. Once you understand why they did what they did, you can focus on forgiving them. Again, this means that you prepare your mind to let go of bitterness or rage...but you don't just forget what someone did if you are sure it was intentional.
  3. Tell yourself, "People are not evil. People are insane." This is true even if their actions against you truly were evil.
  4. Either just walk away from the situation and end your relationship with the person, or recognize that they were not trying to harm you and make up with them, whichever is appropriate.

Remember, forgiveness is important because it's for your health. It's not about being a pushover who lets abusive people continue to abuse you.

© www.relationships-tips-advise.com

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