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Controlling Partner - How to deal with it

A Controlling partner in relationships just cannot make for healthy partners. You may see, or believe you see, a lot that is worth having in a controlling partner.

But there is absolutely nothing more valuable in an intimate relationship than your ability to be yourself, to be free as an individual. You, too, are an integer. You don't exist to serve the whims of your partner, except as you truly desire to do so.

Those who seek to control you in the relationship don't really love you-even if they believe they do. They are far more concerned about power or protecting themselves against getting hurt than they are with loving you. They probably really do find you attractive-but that doesn't mean that they love you. How can you tell if you are victimizing yourself by staying in a relationship with a control freak?

Signs of a controlling partner

  1. Constant Jealousy. Some jealousy in a relationship is natural and a healthy sign of real love. But a controlling partner is jealous over every little thing. And he gets angry in his jealousy, too. (Or, she does.) He's always mad at you for "making him jealous" even when you know you did nothing at all that he should even be jealous over. When you defend yourself to him, he doesn't really listen; he just insists that you must "never do that again".
  2. Tracking where you go and who you visit with other than him (or her). In a healthy love relationship, you always feel free go wherever you want to go. There is mutual trust between the two of you. There is no "tracking" of activities.
  3. You are told what to wear. Your partner does not want you to appear too sexy to other people. In a healthy relationship, your partner is proud that others find you sexy-it reflects his good taste, and obviously his good character makes him get one as special as you.
  4. Always telling you what to do. If your partner always tells you what to do, and gets angry whenever you deviate, it means that s/he has a script or code in mind for you designed to make sure you never do anything to "threaten" them.

Sometimes, a control-freak partner can be dealt with if you just stand up for your rights within the relationship. It is important, no matter what, that you not give in to their demands. Sometimes they will change once they see that your independence is no threat to them, although they may be very uncomfortable at first.

Other times, it can help to take them along with you a few times, so they can see themselves what you are doing when not with them. But if none of these things work, and work in short order, it is time to break up.

Above all things, always watch out for a partner to get violent if you stand up for yourself. If you see any signs of this, leave the relationship immediately-even if they have threatened to come after you if you ever do.

You cannot be with a control freak. It's that simple. Don't make excuses for them if they won't change. Just get out.

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